I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize