new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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