i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize