Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
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I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize