What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Randomize