Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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