Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize