I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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