the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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