I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize