He uses pillows to masturbate.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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