Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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