he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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