The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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