I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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