I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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