Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
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just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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