My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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