Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize