Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize