According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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