and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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