you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
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so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
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Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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