I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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