At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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