i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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