I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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