I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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