one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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