anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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