i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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