he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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