Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize