You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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