I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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