do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize