I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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