Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
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I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize