how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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