im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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