and she was petting her beer can
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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