I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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