I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize