I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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