i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think we might need a safe word for this...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize