dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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