before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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