There is no way he is gay with that hair.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you made out with another girl for some wings
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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