I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize