Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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